do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize