We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
