Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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