you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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