STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
