WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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