so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
