So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
