Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
