New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize