its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
