is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
