TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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