He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
