I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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