I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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