A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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