census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
