barbara walters just said penis...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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