he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
