my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
