Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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