I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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