a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
