He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
