Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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