John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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