I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
