yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
