i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
