I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
