wanna go halves on a baby?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
