Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
