i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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