there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
