I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
