Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
