hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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