Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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