He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
