dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
