8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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