Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
