wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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