You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
