Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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