and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
