She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
