the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
