did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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