I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
