I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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