I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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