this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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