He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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