piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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