JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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