Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
