I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
