good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
