My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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