the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
